I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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