And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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