I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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