halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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