I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
