So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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