made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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