Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
