Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
