dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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