The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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