I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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