She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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