dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
