it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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