idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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