Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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