I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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