My nipple is on Facebook.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry about my life...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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