I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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