Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
