She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
