Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
