honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
