Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
