it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
