Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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