It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
