Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
