Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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