i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
