great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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