I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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