when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There r osticjed everywhere
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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