I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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