I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
