I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
