My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
