If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
