Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
