shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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