I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
