What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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