i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
