So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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