you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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