So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
