I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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