...so i touched it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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