We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
