There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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