dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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