i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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