she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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