Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
