I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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