I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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