I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
did i just pee glitter
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
