Sacagawea was the original milf.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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